


Kiss Me Better

by fireolin



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, First Kiss, Fluff, Gourmet Hunt, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireolin/pseuds/fireolin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon takes Killua on a gourmet hunt...</p><p>It's 2 1/2 years since Gon and Killua separated at the World Tree. Since then, they've reunited five times and Killua has carefully controlled all the arrangements, including how long he stays and who else comes. This time, Alluka insisted he go, although for the first time, Gon has arranged everything.</p><p>Aged-up characters: Killua and Gon will soon be turning seventeen.</p><p>M for occasional language. Content T.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shore

Killua waits a few yards back from the stone sea wall, leaning against a tree in the warm shade where he won’t be seen straight away. The approaching boat sounds its horn across the harbour. As it draws towards the jetty, people scatter around its deck. The crew ready ropes and a handful of passengers form a queue to disembark.

At the prow, a young man with wind-blown spiky black hair leans on the rail, looking out and scanning the shore. A trickle of happiness stirs in Killua’s stomach, the way it always does when he sees Gon after a separation. They’ve both grown a lot in the past two-and-a-half years. Gon’s white tank top hangs loosely from broad shoulders down over his faded green knee-length shorts. The afternoon sun turns his bare arms golden as he grips the rail. Although he’s taller and more muscular than when they first met, his smile is every bit as eager and open.

He’s mad to be seeing Gon again so soon, despite his latest promise to himself. The time they spend apart has shrunk from at least half a year down to three or four months, and each time he finds it harder to leave. But this is the best time, Gon’s arrival, before anything can happen. Before just being around Gon can draw him back in closer than he wants.

The boat is still several metres from the jetty and the crew haven’t yet cast their lines, when Gon shouts out. Killua straightens and acknowledges him with a flick of a hand. Gon hauls his pack on, and ignoring the queue and the crew’s shouts, bounds across the deck and vaults the rail, clearing the water to land on the jetty. He sprints down the boardwalk, up the steps and along the foreshore and throws himself at Killua as if they’re both still fourteen. Killua can’t help grinning as Gon’s arms land around his neck and pull the two of them together.

“Killuaaa…!”

There’s a dizzying moment of salt and sweat, wrapped in Gon’s tight grip, then Killua reaches up to peel Gon off and gently push him away. “Hey, it hasn’t been that long.”

“Eighty-five days!”

“Seventy-two,” Killua corrects without thinking, then he leans down to collect his own pack and hide his flush of embarrassment that he too has been counting. “Come on. Show me which hotel you chose.”

 

***

 

Killua normally does all the planning when they meet. He’s got limited time to meet friends so he likes to include as many as possible, which also limits the time he can find himself alone with Gon. Sometimes he brings Alluka and Nanika, if the visit is safe and short enough.

This is the first time he’s agreed to come and Gon has arranged everything. For the first time since they separated at the World Tree, it’s just the two of them, a prospect that makes part of him ache with joy, but he figures he can keep the manacles on that part of himself for a few days.

The hotel is less central than Killua would have chosen, a couple of hundred yards around the mangrove-covered headland, but there’s a outdoor cafe and bar just across the road, steps away from a sandy beach. Their room is small, but clean, with all the basics, though the carpet smells a bit damp. He dumps his pack on the white cotton cover of the twin bed nearest the door, leaving Gon the bed nearest the window.

Gon bumps Killua’s shoulder affectionately as he passes, and throws the curtains wide. He slides the balcony door open. “Sorry, Killua—it’s a bit musty in here. But it’s only for one night.”

“It’s fine.” Fresh air and the soft crash of breaking waves fills the room. He can see through the trees to the sea. “Actually, it’s great.”

He’s rewarded with a satisfied grin.

They head back out over the road to the bar cafe, order burgers and cola and stuff themselves stupid with fries while they sit facing the sea. Gon complains about the latest boxes of schoolwork he has to complete for Mito-san, then describes without complaint his latest progress with his Nen. His control still isn’t perfect. His face brightens, though, when Killua shares news of Alluka. She’s safe in another new location, for a few months at least.

“In fact,” says Killua, frowning, “she insisted I leave for a bit.”

“Oh.” Gon takes another bite of his burger, and his brow furrows a little. “So…Alluka made you come?”

“Yeah. Well,” Killua shrugs, “of course, I thought it would be fun.”

Gon nods and takes a slow gulp of his cola. “Killua…I was wondering, now Alluka doesn’t need you around all the time…maybe…there’s something else you want?”

“Uh…”

The sunset casts an amber glow across the angles of Gon’s face, brushing his cheekbones, touching the line of his jaw, playing across his mouth.

“A hunter always wants something. So what’s the first thing that comes into your head?”

“Idiot. You know I always want sweets.” A less helpless and treacherous thought than his first. He eyes Gon sideways. “But you can’t hunt sweets.”

“I thought you’d say that.” Gon swigs his cola as he stares into the sunset with a dreamy expression.

“Then why’d you ask?”

“This hunt is for you, Killua. I’ve been talking to Menchi, the gourmet hunter—you remember her? We’re going to find the sweetest taste in the world.”

“The sweetest…” Now his gaze is drawn to Gon’s lips. He looks away. “Really?”

“And Menchi’s fussy.”

“I remember… If she says so, then that’s pretty cool.”

Turns out, they’ll have to trek a couple of days through the forest, then catch a ride on some bird. Gon’s plan is simple and fun.

It should be harmless enough.

 

***

 

Gon wakes and half-opens his eyes against the dawn. His limbs are heavy and he’s warm under the cotton blanket draped over his shoulders. Because he left the balcony door ajar, he can hear small waves gently breaking, running in towards him, then gliding away again, along the shore.

In the bed a few feet away, Killua is still asleep, sprawled on his back with his blanket half-off and his arms flung out to either side. He’s almost as tall as Gon, with a slim strong build that reminds Gon of a dancer's. He looks defenceless, although in a fraction of a second, his bare hands could slice through an intruder’s neck. Below his tousled silver hair, his dark lashes sweep delicate curves. His mouth lies soft and open, and the toned muscles in his abdomen shift slowly as he breathes. The light filtering in through the curtains gives his pale skin a soft sheen that hides most of his scars.

There’s a familiar ache in Gon’s chest and he has to close his eyes. How many invisible scars did he cause? He won’t ask though, because that would make Killua upset. And this whole trip is about making Killua happy.

They sleep so differently. Killua is always tossing and turning, while he lies still. It makes him want to hold Killua, to wrap himself around him, to soothe him and make everything okay. And sometimes…well, often these days…he dreams of doing more than that.

When they reunited for the first time, it was his fifteenth birthday. After Killua and Alluka left again, he felt even worse than before they’d arrived. He missed Killua so much he thought he might be getting sick, and he wasn’t comfortable asking Mito-san about some of the symptoms and Leorio had gone away on Zodiac business. But he had the internet and plenty of time on his own to figure things out. Just as he’s growing up, his feelings are too.

Seeing Killua like this, he badly wants to kiss him and show him how he feels. It might easier if he was interested in girls, but when he imagines being with someone he loves, he always sees Killua. Which means, in his whole life, he’ll probably never have sex, because he’ll never want anyone else and…Killua would have to want him too.

Sometimes, he thinks Killua might. Like last night, when Killua’s intense blue gaze practically caressed his face. And then, it vanished. It’s always like that—a touch that lasts a bit longer than it needs to or a glance that seems to carry something more. But then, Killua backs away.

He used to think you had to use En to be totally aware of your surroundings. But using nothing, he’s aware of Killua’s every breath. So he’s sure whenever they start getting close again, Killua has avoided him or left. Usually for several months. Disappearing where Gon can’t see or touch him. Like one of those waves on the shore.

Still. Killua keeps returning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Um...if I've made some major mistakes or need to update tags, I'm happy to fix stuff.
> 
> Very grateful for any comments!


	2. Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry to those who get emails: if you've already read Chapter 2, there's no need to re-read! This is just moving a note in the wrong place and a couple of tiny edits - me getting used to the interface here.)

Killua slips into loose navy shorts and a silver-grey surf singlet he bought in York New, and sits at the hotel room’s small desk.

He doesn’t really want to tear his eyes off Gon, who’s humming cheerfully as he wanders in and out of the bathroom with a fluffy white towel embracing his hips. But his reluctance means now is a good time to charge up. Killua pushes his adapter into the powerpoint above the desk, grabs the live end and lets the pain have him.

Afterwards, he and Gon grab pastries, juice and sugary coffee in the hotel’s breakfast room, then head back to finish up and grab their gear. Finally, they’re ready to check-out.

As they approach the front desk, the young receptionist is bickering with a smaller girl who’s crouching over a low, wide basket. They look like sisters, both brunettes with freckled skin, the older one annoyed at having to babysit.

Gon hands over his card to pay—he’s insisted this whole hunt is his treat, and Killua's given up arguing—then bends down and scoops up one of the three kittens the little girl’s playing with. His smile is sunlight. He’s picked the fluffiest one, ginger and white, and he strokes it and tickles its tummy. The kitten squirms and catches his wrist in its claws, leaving tiny scratches. Both girls’ faces soften.

“Gon. Let’s go.” Only because once Gon starts playing with animals, things can take a while. Nothing to do with the way the older girl’s eyes are shining back at Gon.

“Okay, but watch this.” Gon lifts the kitten and kisses it swiftly on the side of its face. The little creature’s eyes narrow. Gon kisses it again, a couple more times, and it cranes its head up, a picture of bliss. Gon gently kisses it again, once, twice. The kitten’s eyes close, its head flops sideways and it falls asleep on Gon’s wrist.

Gon brushes his cheek against its fur then lowers it back into its basket. The receptionist and her sister are giggling, but Killua can feel himself wanting to glare at the kitten, and he lowers his head to hide his eyes.

He can’t possibly be jealous of a kitten. That’s just stupid.

 

***

 

Half a mile down the road from the hotel, they enter a nature reserve through a grove of trees spotted with red flowers. The air is warm and perfumed and so humid, Killua can already feel sweat gathering on his back. He and Gon have been chatting about their last holiday, when they reunited with Leorio and Kurapika in York New, while Alluka stayed with Ikalgo and Palm.

He can’t sense anything dangerous nearby.

And yet he has the strangest feeling.

They’ve set off together like this many times in the past, yet this is somehow different. Heading in further, where the trees reach higher and entwine their branches, thickening their leaves, he figures it out. In the past, unless they’ve been on Whale Island, they’ve almost always been on some kind of mission, and someone or something has been trying to kill them, if not at the start of their journey, then soon.

He’s feeling weird because this is the first hunt he and Gon are doing _only_ for fun. They’re not trying to find anyone or save anyone. Just enjoying themselves and finding something decadent at the end. Which, to be honest, he’s really keen on.

He wonders…does Gon know the word, _decadent_ …?

Shit—this might be harder to manage than he thought. And the more he enjoys himself, the worse it’s going to be. Especially when he wouldn’t feel right just leaving Gon by himself if things get too intense. He should have insisted they bring Ikalgo or someone.

“Hey Killua, this one matches Menchi’s description.” Gon points out the rightmost of two sandy paths winding between the trees ahead.

They break into a run.

Sand gives way to earth. An hour later, they’ve left the main trails behind. Two hours, and the long distance trails are behind them. The tree trunks are growing taller and wider, the strangling vines so thick that they weave into twisted trees on their own. Insects hum. Twigs flick past Killua’s arms and legs. Wind pushes back his hair. After all the stuffy hotel rooms he’s shared with Alluka lately, it’s exhilarating…and Gon’s weaving through the forest alongside him. Their rhythms match and his blood is tingling. They toss conversation back and forth, and even when he can’t catch Gon’s words, the sound of his voice makes Killua happy.

As the coast recedes, the air warms further, fragrant with ripe forest fruits and tiny flowers. Finally, mid-afternoon, they halt for the day at a broad river bed that Gon says Menchi suggested. It’s full of rocks. A few inches of water so clear it’s almost invisible babbles down a narrow path in the middle.

Gon tosses his pack onto the bank. “Menchi said there’s a place further down where we can find these giant snails—they’re great! She says they taste like a cross betwe—”

“Ah, Gon—I’m not eating snails.” Killua drops onto a rock and helps himself to a few half-melted chocolate balls from a box in his pack. Menchi again. She and Gon must have spent a lot of time talking.

Gon looks a bit disappointed, but only for a moment, then he smiles. “Ehh, Killua—toss me one?”

He flicks a chocolate ball at Gon with more force than he intended, but Gon doesn’t seem to notice as he snatches it from the air.

“Killua, is it okay if we spar? This looks like a good place. My Ryu’s a bit patchy.”

This isn’t like years earlier when they first trained together, competing to see who could improve fastest. The gap between his skill and Gon’s right now is obvious, and the reason suddenly hangs in the air before him—if he closes his eyes, he’ll only see it more clearly. And yet the humility in Gon’s manner pierces his heart.

“Of course. That’d be fun.”

Gon nods, tosses down the chocolate and jogs to the other side of the river bed.

He’s _alive_ , Killua thinks as he stands, and he’s _strong_.

Gon swings around and hurls himself in a full-frontal assault, which Killua naturally dodges, then follows with a powerful kick to Killua’s shoulder—Killua catches his boot easily and uses it to fling Gon backwards. “Idiot—what kind of useless attack was that?”

Gon lands on his hands on the rocks and flips over to stand. They stare at each other, breathing hard, neither having taken a scratch. Gon laughs and his top, sweat-damp from their run, is clinging to his abdomen.

His eyes catch Killua’s and hold them…

Killua attacks. His fist lands in the centre of Gon’s stomach, propelling him fifty yards down the river bed and leaving him doubled over—which he wouldn’t be if he’d been using his Ryu properly. Killua scowls, glad he judged his strength.

Gon needs him to isolate his weaknesses so he’ll improve. Killua concentrates only on that. They continue, and twice more he breaks through Gon’s defence when it’s low for a split-second. When dusk arrives, he calls things to a halt.

“Hey,” he pins Gon to the ground with an arm across his chest and a shin across his hips, though Gon’s already reaching up to grab a rock in what will be a futile attempt to hammer him. “You hungry?”

Gon arms relax, still stretched over his head. His chest is warm through the thin fabric of his top, rising and falling beneath Killua’s forearm. Killua's hand rests on Gon's shoulder. Gon's silent for several seconds before he answers. “Yeah—very.”

Killua backs off.

They snatch a couple of fish further down the narrow stream and cook them over a fire. When they’ve eaten, they find a place between two giant tree roots and curl up a yard apart to sleep.

Gon falls asleep immediately. Killua lies awake on his back, listening to the soft exhale of Gon’s breath. He waits a while longer to be doubly sure Gon’s asleep before he rolls over to face him.

Moonlight reaches silvery fingers through the canopy, lighting Gon’s legs and waist. He’s lying on his side among the leaves with one hand resting on the moss. Thick black hair sweeps back from his face. Subtle curves have refined the angles of his jaw and brow. A hollow shades the slope of his cheek. His innocence is still there, though it's tainted with knowledge of sorrow.

There’s a bruise darkening on his cheekbone where Killua marked him today.

Stupid. He shouldn’t look at him like this. He should have stayed away longer.

Close your eyes, turn over and think about something else.

_…That damned kitten._

Killua’s claws slide out.

It was only a kiss.

… A _few_ kisses.

Gon’s never kissed him, not once, not even by accident. Killua had arranged several when he first discovered Gon had actually been on dates, but Gon had been clueless, his reflexes too good. Maybe what he’d learned from those women was how to evade them…

It’d be worse if he had to watch Gon kiss a girl.

What if he…kissed another boy?

Killua gulps.

Splashing sounds as a creature drinking from the stream bounds away as fast as it can. Killua retracts his killing aura. Gon sleeps on because he trusts Killua no matter what his aura does.

One day, Gon will get a girlfriend. The way he wraps women around his pinkie finger—it’s only a matter of time. It’s just he still lives in the middle of nowhere on Whale Island, or else spends his time with Kite and his crew in the middle of some other nowhere.

Probably, the only way Gon will ever kiss him will be if he steals one.

Imagining that, he bites his lower lip, but a smile curves the corners of his mouth. Of course, Gon’s senses are so acute, he’d wake up if anyone without Killua’s stealth tried it…

...Gon’s lying in the wrong position for him to do that now.

Rustling as Gon shifts, hip and shoulder tilting back. Face angling up, mouth parting...

_Oh…_

Killua transmutes his aura to electricity, and lightning fast, crosses to Gon. He kneels and carefully tilts his own head so they won’t bump. Slows just long enough to press their mouths together for a breath. Gon’s lips give beneath his, warm and slightly rough.

Then he’s back where he came from, staring up at the canopy, heart pounding his ribs. Starlight creeps through the gaps between the leaves and sparkles down at him.

Gon’s arm flops over and extends in his direction.“Kil…”

Then, Gon’s breathing settles again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Ah...again, has not been beta'd...so I can't be sure what's working or not or how the writing reads. But I hope it's okay and that some of you enjoy it! If there's anything I've overlooked or need to fix, I'm really happy to do so.


	3. Wave

Killua is having a satisfying yet frustrating dream, where Gon’s lips are almost, but not quite, doing many achingly wonderful things to him, and if he can just stay asleep a bit longer, maybe some of them will _actually_ happen…but his dream is invaded by the sound of real-Gon moving around and something rustling. He rolls onto his stomach, presses his face into twigs and broken leaves to bury his dream, and releases a groan.

“Hey, you’re awake!” Gon’s voice brightly draws him back to full reality. “I’ve got us breakfast.”

He turns his head to see Gon’s pack lying open beside a pale blue tea-towel on which are laid several delicious looking fruit buns smothered in creamy icing. Their sugary scent penetrates the earthiness around him. Gon waves one at him. “I thought we’d find our food as we went, then I saw these just before I left—and I bought them for you. Sorry, I think they’ve gone stale.”

“Gon, they look great.” He smiles and sags into the leaves. No wonder Alluka insisted he come. Gon said he planned this hunt for him, and now Gon’s looking after him, even if this is just a small thing. It’s probably just what she and Nanika think he needs after all he’s being doing for them, not that he minds any of that.

Two more days of being around Gon, wanting what he’s decided he shouldn’t have. He _can’t_ let himself think about what it would be like if Gon wanted…

Oh, shit. He _can’t_.

But later, as they eat, his thoughts keep returning treacherously to the kiss he stole—if he could seriously call it that, barely a brush of their lips. Now he can’t stop glancing at Gon’s lips, and he can’t hear a word Gon’s saying because he’s trying to remember _exactly_ how Gon’s mouth felt softening beneath his own.

He realises, pathetic as it is, he’ll probably do it again. Tonight.

It’s a good thing when they set off running for the second time, and he can pour himself back into the rhythm of their journey.

Their next stop is hours later, mid-afternoon again, at the top of a granite outcrop.

“Wow! This looks amazing.” Gon shields his eyes from the sun with both hands, staring out over an enormous valley, a lacy tapestry of treetops and palm leaves echoing with birdsong. “Menchi says it’ll get even better once we get through there!” He points to where a gorge becomes a high split through the mountains.

Killua sticks his hands in his pockets. The journey’s great, but it’s a bit annoying, the way Gon’s talking about Menchi all the time. He can’t remember him mentioning her before this trip. Well…it’s probably nothing…but since he’s made sure there are always other friends or family around when they meet up, there _could_ be stuff Gon hasn’t told him yet.

The thought lodges in his mind like a burr.

“Uh, Gon. When did you become friends with Menchi?”

“Um… Well, we talked before she… Well, really, we became friends last year. A couple of months before I met up with you and the others in Yorknew.”

 _Before she…?_ “You never mentioned her.”

“I didn’t?” Gon turns to face him, surprised. “Should I have?”

“Well, no. I guess. I mean, it’s not like she—” he scratches the back of his neck, choosing the most mentionable of several worst-case scenarios—“c-came and stayed with you or anything.”

“Oh. Yeah, she did.”

His knees collapse and his ass thumps down to the ground. He leans back on his hands to make it seem like he did it on purpose and tries to cover his shock as he looks up. “Is she your girlfriend?”

“Oh…no!” Gon’s eyes widen. “Why would you think that?”

“Uh…more like, why wouldn’t I?” Killua draws his knees up and fiddles with his hair, trying to look unconcerned while a horrible logic floods his mind.

She _stayed_ with Gon. Even if he _says_ she’s not his girlfriend, he’s encouraging her. And Gon was good at flirting when he was only fourteen, so how much better is he now? And his obviously strong body and the easy way he moves…how can Menchi _not_ be attracted to him? If Gon’s attracted to her, he probably wouldn’t think. He’d just follow his instincts wherever…

“She’s about Palm’s age, right?”

“Mm…probably.”

“And you sometimes let older women, including Palm, take you out.”

“No. _I_ took Palm out—”

“Exactly. My point is, you like older women. And you…you _notice_ when they’re pretty.” His cheeks heat, he never told Gon how he stalked his date with Palm. He moves on quickly. “And, I can see how you _might_ think Menchi’s cute, even though she’s _really_ old…I mean, she’s totally athletic, and she’s got all those top-knots, and she… she doesn’t…wear much. And she stayed with you! You introduced her to your family!”

“No. Menchi’s only interested in gourmet hunting.”

“Gon. The way you’ve grown, the way you _look_ now, she probably wants to _eat you_!”

“Really?” Gon looks down at himself, at his top pressed into his chest and stomach by the breeze. He twists his arms so the muscles ripple under his tan, inspecting them as though he’s never thought about his appearance before. He bites his lip and his eyes settle on Killua’s. A tremor runs through Killua, and he won’t look at Gon’s muscles and he stares at the bridge of Gon’s nose, not his eyes, but even then he can’t help thinking how Gon’s nose is…is… _perfection_.

He feels his cheeks go redder. Gon’s eyes are shining and his grin is pure delight. “You think I look good enough to eat!”

“That’s _not_ what I said.” Killua cups his hands over his cheeks.

“Oh…” Gon’s grin fades and he looks away. “Well…anyway. It’s not like that.”

Killua stares up at Gon, his embarrassment overcome by the need to know exactly _how_ it is. Gon sinks down beside him.

“After we separated at the World Tree…” Gon swallows. “When I first got back to Whale Island, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I couldn’t use my Nen and I had tons of schoolwork to catch up. And…there were lots of things I needed to think about.” He looks down at the rock, contemplating, then back to Killua. “In the end, I spent a long time wandering to clear my head. I guess I just followed my nose…and it led me to this plant, this tiny thing I’d never seen before, tucked into a crevice half-way down one of the cliffs. If it had been on the island before I left, I would’ve known.

“The scent came from its flowers. There were only five. They smelled so good, I _ate_ one, and…” Gon’s gaze drifts to the mountains, “the only thing that ever tasted that amazing was that egg we had when we did Menchi’s exam. I mean, it didn’t taste the same, but it was _that_ fantastic. So I called her, and she got really excited, and the next year—before we went to Yorknew, like I told you—she visited me just to go see it, at around the same time so it would be flowering. And that’s when she told me about where I’m taking you now. It’s supposed to be related, but better.

“So you see, Killua, she’s not my girlfriend. Besides, both people have to be interested…and I’m not.” Gon traces a pattern on the rock and glances at him sideways. “Killua, would _you_ tell _me_ if you met someone?”

“I…yeah. Sure. If…if they were important.”

Gon frowns. “What if they…weren’t important?”

“Uh…” His stomach churns, because this is going to be embarrassing.

“Killuaaa…?” Gon’s stare is relentless.

He sighs. “I don’t try to get to know new people when I’m travelling with Alluka, plus, we’re together almost all the time. So…she wasn’t a girlfriend, right?”

Gon’s hands tense, curling into the rock. “You didn’t tell me!”

“I don’t just come out with everything like you do. You know that.”

Though that time when Gon held _everything_ in, is why he can’t risk getting that close again. He forgave Gon, but he won’t go through it a second time. He stares up, as near the sun as he can bear, to help blot out the image of Gon throwing everything away—as if he meant _nothing_ to Killua. Those images, of all Gon did to himself, return too easily, even on a bright day like this. “Whatever.” He waves a hand dismissively. “It was a bad experience. I didn’t want to mention it.”

“Okay.” Gon’s looking down at the rock, so Killua, his vision still recovering from the after-image of the sun, can only see his dark lashes below all that spiky black hair. Before, Gon would’ve pestered him. That change in Gon makes his heart ache.

A sigh escapes him. “I was bored. I’d just got back from seeing you and Kite and the rest—and I met this girl, just a tourist, at the hotel where Alluka and I were staying. She wanted to hang with us, and I let her because she was great with Alluka, but I could tell she was really interested in me.”

Gon’s eyeing him closely now.

“So, one night we were all watching a movie in my hotel room—some boring, romantic girlie thing—and after Alluka fell asleep in her bed, _she_ wanted to make out on the couch. And,” he wriggles uncomfortably, “it went really badly.”

“Oh…” Gon’s voice has a flatness to it. “Did you like her?”

Killua shrugs, and to avoid Gon’s scrutiny, grabs a pebble and flicks it over the edge of the outcrop. “She was cute. I wanted to see if I might like her.” And if she might somehow distract him from the feelings he was enduring after seeing Gon again.

"So what happened?”

“Gon…I said it was bad. Do you have to know the details?”

Gon nods. His face is pink below his tan.

“Ahh…this is so.... Okay…well, we kissed for a while. And then she started putting her hands all over me, everywhere. And it just felt wrong. She was acting like she found it exciting, and she kept trying, and _then_ …she…she put her hand…” On my dick. He scowls. “I shoved her away. A bit too hard. I’ve got reflexes, you know? So…she, um…hit the ceiling—then luckily she landed on my bed. She kind of went into shock, then she bolted.”

Gon’s jaw has stiffened. “But you kissed her?”

“Yeah…kind of.” It had felt mechanical more than anything as he tried to work out the right motions. Clashing teeth, nothing fitting right. It had been disappointing, when he’d hoped he’d somehow be swept away.

“And, she put her hands _everywhere_?” Gon’s gaze leaves Killua’s eyes and he can feel its intensity slowly brushing down his neck, down his abdomen, settling in his lap. He swallows, warm threads of arousal mingling with his embarrassment—that Gon can look at him that way.

He jumps to his feet.

“Pretty much.” He kicks another stone so it shoots like a bullet towards the distant mountain. “Hey, you still want to spar?”

Gon doesn’t answer, he just lashes out with a kick that Killua barely dodges. Then they’re tumbling back down the slope of the outcrop. Gon’s flurry of punches is more aggressive, his focus on defence worse, than yesterday.

 

***

 

_Killua kissed a girl._

Gon’s wading up to his thighs in the surf off Whale Island beneath a gathering storm. A wave draws high above him, its undercurrent tugging at his knees and ankles. He gasps as it crashes over his head and he’s swept down beneath the foam, where everything is tumbling and the water is freezing and dark and mixed with sharp grains of sand. He’s got no oxygen and no way to find the surface to breathe again.

The force of it snaps his eyes open.

He sits up and shivers, turbulence still ghosting through him.

_…Killua kissed a girl…_

It’s early morning. The air breathes cool on his skin, still carrying the damp of night. He rises soundlessly. Killua is still sprawled asleep unknowing, long-limbed and lean and beautiful on the forest floor, silver hair scattered with leaves. Gon turns away and wanders through the forest to climb the stone slope to the top of the outcrop.

His right thigh aches, and so do his ribs and one side of his back. Killua always hits harder than anyone, but he knows better than anyone the punishment Gon can take.

_But he kissed her…_

Gon sighs and pushes his fingers back through his hair. He knew it would probably happen one day, but that still doesn’t make it any easier to take. His feet find the peak of the outcrop on their own. He stands with his hands deliberately loose by his sides and cycles through breathing exercises.

_Killua…_

_…said it was bad, but still…_

He inhales the wild beauty of the landscape. From here, there’s an uninterrupted view of the sky, crystal clear at the moment, pale blue edged with gold where the sun is rising behind the mountains, transitioning to deep blue behind him, above the forest, where three hundred yards distant, he can still feel Killua lying.

_I…would kiss him better…if he’d let me…_

His thoughts play with how he’d kiss Killua, given the chance, not that he has any experience, only fantasies and frustrated dreams.

The breeze ruffles through his hair, and he wonders when the thunder clouds will arrive and where they’ll come from, because two mornings in a row now, he’s woken tasting a storm.

His mood brightens, a little, because…

…he loves storms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> I really want to thank everyone who's encouraged me with this. You are all wonderful.
> 
> I have a big deadline soon, so I've updated although it would be good to get more distance to help edit this better. (Like, a month or two!) I hope it's okay. And I usually write in scenes rather than chapters, so the chapter breaks aren't really made with cliff-hangers or anything in mind. I thought of this as one long piece when I started. Anyway - I hope you enjoy it. :)


	4. Storm

It’s not just his imagination.

He swerves to the opposite side of a tree trunk, narrowing the gap between them, but Gon shifts too, without looking back. Gon really is keeping three or four trees between them.

And it’s not as though Gon’s stopped speaking to him, but it’s all purposeful, none of yesterday’s banter. Killua’s chest tightens. This isn’t good. He’s with Gon, but right now, it doesn’t feel as though Gon’s with him.

Gon’s rhythm through the forest isn’t as light and smooth as yesterday. Killua flicks sweat from his brow. Maybe he should pull Gon up…hand on his shoulder, _are you okay?_

But something makes him hesitate. A curl of pain spiralling from his stomach to squeeze his heart. The sense _he_ might have hurt Gon. Because there’s no one else here, nothing else to blame…

His foot catches a fallen branch, and only a super-fast reflex saves him from crashing splat on his face. Not like him. Too much attention on Gon, not enough on where he’s going.

Gon curves away again, a subtle angle. Through the trees and despite the dappled shadows, Killua can glimpse the blue bruise spreading over the back of Gon’s right shoulder, visible past the pale cotton strap of his top. They’ve sparred a thousand times, and he’s never given Gon this many bruises. But bruises never worry Gon…

Gon’s not normally so useless with his Nen…

His stomach twists. He runs a little faster, trying to narrow the gap without being too obvious. A pair of birds shoot squawking out of his way.

They fought right after he told Gon about making out with that girl. But Gon _can’t_ be upset with him about that…it’s _not_ as if Gon is…

_Fuck!_

Something smashes into his forehead. There’s a deafening, straining, crunching sound as he sinks into oblivion, last thought trailing…

_…jealous._

 

_***_

 

_Mmm._

His pillowcase is a little rougher than it ought to be but it’s wonderfully warm. The way it gives beneath his cheek couldn’t be more inviting. And there’s a light pressure soothing his scalp, tickling…fingers, stroking through his hair, helping him relax. His forehead is burning hot. It throbs heavily. Maybe it’ll feel better if he snuggles further in…

His pillow shifts beneath him, preventing him from wriggling any deeper. Still comfortable though.

He rolls back, can feel the world spin. Somehow he drags his eyes open. Gon’s face is hovering over his, soft brown eyes concerned.

He closes his eyes again. Gon’s lap is the warmest, most comfortable place in the world and this is a really good dream and he’s not going to move.

“Killua… You’re awake?”

“Mm hmm.”

He’ll move once the throbbing subsides. In the meantime…he tries to snuggle in again.

Legs tighten beneath him.

“Killua, look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?”

Ah. He opens his eyes again. Gon’s hand is a bit blurred at first, but it steadies…his vision’s clearing. And his mind…he feels the first surge of awareness, of where he is, and how much he loves it, flush his cheeks. “Th-three…?”

Gon’s shoulders sag in relief. “Moron.” He continues stroking Killua’s hair, making Killua’s neck tingle with pleasure, despite the pain he’s in. “You hurt that tree.”

His embarrassed laugh sends a spike through his skull that nearly kills him. “How bad?”

“Took off a huge branch…might’ve been three hundred years old.”

Killua groans. He tries to sit up. Gon slides his hand down out of Killua’s hair, and eases behind his shoulders to help him.

A twinge of disappointment. He’s missing Gon’s lap, missing his caress.

“You’re not usually clumsy like that, Killua.”

Gon’s shoulder is warm against his, a rock supports their backs. Still not thinking clearly. Head hurting like he’s run into a freight train.

“I…was distracted.” Gon must have carried him here. They’re in the shade, at the gorge. Past the treeline, nearby in the sun, the edge is a rocky, jagged split. The far side is covered with interesting whorls and knobs. In his slightly confused state, they remind him of people or chimera ants.

“Must have been a pretty big distraction.”

Killua probes his forehead where it’s tender. “It’s just…” he can feel himself flush, “I thought I might have upset you.”

Gon stiffens, darts him a sideways glance.“You _crashed_ into a tree because of that?”

“Yeah…stupid, I know…but did I? Upset you?”

Gon sighs. “I’m fine, Killua.”

Clearly, from his tone he’s not, which makes Killua feel awful. He did upset him. Needs to make him feel better somehow. Maybe if he offers understanding…?

“Like I said, it’s stupid. I mean”—he waves a hand casually, costing another throb of his head, “it’s just…I thought I might have made you jealous when I told you…”

Gon’s lips press together in a thin line and he’s staring at the chasm wall. He _is_ upset. Maybe Killua didn’t address the problem well enough… Maybe if he offers words of comfort, from his own experience…?

“You know, it’s normal for a…a b-best friend to be j-…uh…possessive.” Yeah. Not that he’s got a _lifetime_ of experience to rely on, but. In _his_ experience…it’s normal.

Gon shifts away, and there’s something icy in the air. Something to do with what he said…

He scrabbles for something, _anything_ , to cheer Gon up.

“Yeah. You know, I—I get like. That, with you, sometimes. Well—I try and make sure you don’t notice. But it’s always been. Like that.”

The heat that fills his cheeks must be enough to start a fire.

Gon barks out a laugh, turns to him again. “You’re not yourself, Killua. Are you still a bit dizzy?”

“Mm. Yeah.” But at least Gon’s thawed a bit now.

He jabs Gon with his elbow, which earns a small smile.

“Look—“ Killua points at one of the rock formations. “it’s Leorio.”

“Huh…?” Gon follows his gaze. “Hmm…maybe. If Leorio’s really angry.”

Killua just raises an eyebrow at Gon. “And…?”

Gon covers his mouth with his hand and _giggles_.

Killua’s heart melts. Soon, even though he’s still dizzy, he’s humming to himself, springing from rock to rock along the edge of the chasm with Gon. He’s not too aware of where they’re going anymore, doesn’t care, more aware of the butterflies in his stomach and the way his skin tingles when Gon bumps him. The world is a sunlit haze. Gon nudges him, pointing out more silly faces in the rock. He elbows Gon back again, just to hear his giggle. He’s smiling, forgetting caution, not caring if he’s blushing… _enjoying_ blushing. Each time Gon peers over the side of the chasm, searching for some ledge, Killua can’t resist stealing longer glances at him.

Finally a tapered shelf slides into view, maybe twenty yards down. “We’re here,” Gon announces, with a bright grin.

“Great. Just…getting water…” He’s still a bit groggy. Heads into the shade of the nearest tree, where he can watch Gon leaning out over the edge, perfectly balanced.

Gon checks out the length of the canyon, then pivots to face him. “Killua, I missed you _so_ much. I’m really happy you came.” Gon hitches his pack up and bounds over the rocks to join him.

“Yeah,” he swallows, smiling, glancing at Gon from beneath the veil of his fringe and swinging into place beside him. “Me too.”

Gon bumps affectionately against his shoulder and the backs of their wrists brush. It feels right to nudge his arm around Gon’s and clasp his hand…except, just barely, out of the habit he’s ingrained into himself for so long…he doesn’t.

 

***

 

They decide to camp at a clearing they passed earlier. The sky darkens rapidly. Killua glances up, clouds are heaping overhead. Water splats his forehead. Maybe its the cool of it that finally clears his mind. His palms break out in a sweat as he realises just how much he’s weakened to Gon in a single afternoon.

He promised he wouldn’t let himself do this. Normally he’d have left by now…

Gon’s out in the middle of the clearing, slipping off his pack. “At last! Each of the last two mornings, when I woke up, I tasted a storm, but it didn’t arrive. I was wondering if there’s something wrong with me.”

Killua’s stomach tightens guiltily and he licks his lips without thinking, but Gon isn’t paying attention. He thinks about Gon’s mouth, soft beneath his own. He has to stop stealing kisses. Even though he wants to. Even though it’s almost nothing.

Gon faces the clouds and opens his mouth to taste the rain pouring through the gap in the canopy. There’s another white flash. He stands there, arms loose by his sides. Streams of water cling to his face and paste down his hair, track down his arms, drip from his fingertips.

Killua wants to be…

…he wants to be…

…the rain.

His stomach aches with want. The rational part of his mind is panicking—he has to _do_ something. He gathers his will, tries imagining himself back in the Zoldyck isolation room, in chains. Cold links around his wrists, his waist. Sucking the warmth from his body. Cold around his ankles, his neck.

It’s for the best, he’s decided, in more rational moments.

“Strange…” Through the din of the storm, Gon’s voice trails off, and he scrunches his brow in puzzlement. “It doesn’t taste the same.” He licks his lips, sends Killua a thoughtful, curious look.

Killua’s thighs tense—but he can’t run anywhere. Gon…couldn’t really taste him, could he? “R-really?” He inspects his fingernails.

There’s a thud, as Gon’s pack lands beside his.

“Killua, you should rinse off too. Storms here don’t last long.”

He exhales in relief. Subject change. One he can’t argue with…he rises and moves into the clearing. Doesn’t strip, since Gon hasn’t—thank god—anyway, there’s more dust on his singlet and shorts than underneath them. He shoves his hands roughly down over his biceps, his stomach.

_Focus on the rain._

It’s cool and refreshing, unlike his emotions.

Gon raises his arms, flicking his fingers through his spiky hair. His top has turned transparent. Killua can see every contour of Gon’s abs, his waist, and as he twists, the muscles in his back. He finds it hard to breathe. He angles himself away, forces himself to concentrate on cleaning his own hair, fingers stumbling through.

The rain stops as quickly as it started.

“Hey, Killua…I’ve got an idea.” Gon shakes a spray of droplets from his hair and wanders over. “Our clothes are all wet and if we sit down now, we’ll just get covered in stuff again. But you could dry us off.”

“With what?” Killua’s insides flip as he imagines rubbing Gon down with a fluffy white hotel towel that they don’t have with them. “What…are you suggesting, exactly? It’s warm, we’ll dry soon.”

“Well,” Gon shrugs. “I thought you could just use your Nen.”

“I see…that’s a bad idea.” Though he laughs shakily, relieved. “I’ll only hurt you.”

“Thing is,” Gon’s eyebrows knit, “I want to know how you feel when you do it. I’ve always wanted to know, ever since you showed me.”

“Why? I already told you, it’s painful.”

“Because it’s _you_ , Killua!” He steps in close and lifts a lock of Killua’s wet hair back from his eyes.

Killua blinks rapidly, one hand drifting up, fumbling the air between them. Stupidly wanting to pull Gon in _and_ push him back.

“You look amazing when your hair waves around like that, and your lighting’s everywhere.”

With a tremendous effort, Killua folds his arms. “You could just stick your finger in a power socket.”

“Yeah, but that might kill me, and you won’t.”

“Gon, ‘weird’ doesn’t describe you any more. You want me to _electrocute_ you?”

“Yup. Dry us off.”

“Huh.” This idiocy is so Gon, that somehow, it helps him unwind. “Well, I guess I’ve warned you. But I’ll only dry us a bit, so we don’t burn. Give me your hands.”

Obediently Gon offers his open palms. Killua weaves their wet fingers together, not memorising the slick brush of Gon’s calluses, the sense of his strength. “You won’t be able to control your grip or your stance.” He shifts to the safest position he can think of, looking over one another’s shoulders, a hand’s width apart, hands clasped at their sides. It’s still…best to get this over with fast.

“You sure about this, Gon?” Folding his aura around them.

“Yup.”

“I think I’ve hurt you enough this trip.”

“I don’t care. I just wanna know—”

—He lets go—

Gon convulses, head slamming into Killua’s shoulder, fingers clutching tight. Killua’s supporting both of them. The trapped heat is intense. He shifts his right thumb to Gon’s wrist; Gon’s pulse is racing.

And he can’t contain a peal of laughter—he never expected to share his aura with _anyone_ like this.

Gon straightens, though Killua can still feel him shaking through the tight grip of their hands. He must have hated it.

But when Gon’s eyes join his, there’s no fear or pain in their depths; only wonder. Gon’s hair is spiked again, various locks wandering independently from the rest. In the dim light, he looks ethereal. Otherworldly. His dark brown eyes hold Killua’s gaze. Gon’s tongue darts out across his lower lip. His eyes widen further, a smile of utter delight curving across his mouth.

As soon as he sees that, Killua freezes.

_Shit. He knows._

 

_***_

 

After his first moment of panic, when he drops Gon’s hands as if they were branding irons, Killua summons the strength to keep his manner off-hand. Gon only comments on how incredible and finely-controlled his Nen is. Which leads to a discussion about shaving. Killua’s used his Nen so he never has to bother shaving, ever--electrolysis. And then it feels natural to let Gon touch his face—Gon’s fingers caressing his cheeks, Gon telling him how soft and smooth his skin is. He’s feeling pretty good by the time he curls up to sleep. And by the time they head off the next morning, he’s managed to convince himself he only imagined that look of recognition.

Gon bounds through the trees beside him in obvious high spirits to reach the edge of the gorge. The two of them drop down the twenty yards or so onto the ledge.

A fine mist immediately coats Killua’s skin. The sound of the rapids is more intense down here, echoing between the cliffs. Water pools on the rock. Far below, foam sparkles, tiny diamonds in the blackness.

Behind them lies a shallow cave that reaches shoulder-height. They crouch under the entrance, then Gon opens his pack and digs out a package he must have been hiding at the very bottom. He breaks the string binding and carefully unfolds several layers of waxed paper, gradually freeing a scent so sweet that Killua would seriously have fought him for it, had he known it existed. The scent is so enticing, he barely notices the actual cake.

“Gon. What _is_ that?” He swallows a gulp of saliva.

“Bait.” Gon grins and breaks the cake into several pieces and positions them evenly across the front of the shelf. “Menchi said it’ll work even better than what she used.”

“Uh huh. How long will it take?”

Gon’s head tilts as he considers. “Well, the wind’s blowing in the birds’ direction, up the canyon, so maybe an hour. Or maybe…all day.”

“You expect me to sit here and smell this without eating _any_ for a whole day?”

“Mm hmm.” Gon looks smug.

“Gon, are you teasing, not letting me have any?”

“Yeah.” Gon laughs. “You look so pretty when you’re like this.”

He’d thump Gon if it wouldn’t send him flying down into the chasm.

“It’s okay.” Gon selects one large chunk. “We can share this, but no more in case there won’t be enough. And we have to have it inside so we won’t put any birds off if they’re shy. And Killua, it’s important you eat every single crumb. If there’s any left lying around, the birds might go for it, and their beaks are supposed to be like razors.”

“Whatever. I’ll just zap ‘em.” Killua twitches his forefinger and thumb so a spark jumps between them.

“But then they’ll fly away and we won’t be able to finish the hunt.”

“Tch…this had better be worth it.”

They scoot back to the rear wall of the cave to wait. Gon breaks the chunk of cake and hands Killua the larger piece. Killua tries a nibble to eke it out— _sooo good_. He stuffs his mouth full.

“Gon…mm… _how_ could you only make…mm… _one_ of these?”

“It’s that flower I found. I could only get just enough for this.”

Killua hums as he savours the rest of the piece, staring at Gon the whole time. “You’re an amazing cook.”

“I cooked a lot when I got back, when you weren’t around. Helping Mito-san, trying to be normal—since I couldn’t use my Nen. Hey, careful—you’re spilling crumbs.”

“Oh, yeah.” Killua licks his fingers then examines his lap and the rock beneath him for any escapees. He presses damp fingers into crumbs and grit and licks them down again. Bursts of nectar melt across his tongue. “Mm…Gon, even with no Nen at all, you were never normal.”

“Yeah, I know.” Light glances off the cave roof and glistens on Gon’s brow. His face turns serious. “I’m much closer to getting all my Nen back, but I still get really frustrated. But Killua…I won’t try to make it happen faster than I should, because that’s part of keeping the promise I made you.”

Killua’s chest tightens. He wishes Gon hadn’t said that. A shiver runs through him as the memories unfurl. Always close, too close. The cave is dank and cold. He pulls his knees into his chest like a shield.

“I promised I wouldn’t—”

“Stop.”

And Gon does.

They stare at each other in the dim light. Gon’s lips press thin in frustration. “I wish...you'd trust me.”

Killua tightens his hands on his shins, memories still ghosting through him, dark and numbing.

Gon’s brow furrows. “Who I was then isn’t everything I’m going to become. And Killua…that’s _all_ because of you.”

Killua stares out the mouth of the cave and leans his chin on his knees. “I don’t…I’d rather not…”

Gon just nods. 

Mist eddies around them.

Eventually, Gon rolls his shoulders back and wipes his mouth with his wrist. “Anyway. Can you see any crumbs left on me?”

In the reflected light, it’s hard to tell. Gon tilts his face slowly to make it easier, the light glimmering on the faint stubble shading his cheek. Killua reaches to catch his jaw in one cupped hand and gently holds him still. Gon’s skin is warm beneath his fingers…the dark memories retreat. Killua leans closer. A soft smile spills across Gon’s lips. Killua’s breath catches and he dips his head as he pulls back. “No.”

He desperately concentrates on the cave floor.

“Here.” Gon reaches across past Killua’s knees, and with his thumb brushes a crumb from Killua’s chin gently into the corner of his mouth.

His tongue curls into the sweetness. “Eh, what was that?”

“I just didn’t want you to miss one,” Gon says. “You could have knocked me away if you’d wanted.

 

***

 

Gon wriggles into a more comfortable position on the stone, not touching Killua. He crosses his legs and stares out across the chasm, listening. There’s a hum in the wind that may or may not be what they’re waiting for.

His sigh escapes into the mist.

Killua…nearly kissed him…

Tiny droplets shine like sapphires in Killua’s silver hair, beside him, reflecting the sky.

Gon tastes the back of his teeth…he regrets the sweetness there, although it’s rare and precious. That one bite replaced the last trace of Killua’s aura from yesterday, which had lingered on his lips and nestled into the hollows of his mouth like it belonged.

The distance between him and Killua only disappears when he’s asleep—and even then, it must be fleeting.

Still. Just knowing warms him inside like a sunrise.

Past the echo of the rushing water, he can hear a distant thrum.

He wonders, how long will Killua stay away, after this? Longer than before, he has a feeling. It’s going to be harder to bear, now, too…now that he thinks, sometimes, Killua wants to kiss him…and, it’s just, he won’t.

Hard not to reach out, not to touch Killua’s hair, like he did before. Feel it soft and pretty, sliding through his fingers. And see sapphire-blue eyes softening as he strokes a pale cheek. Letting his touch linger, Killua’s breath growing shallow, as if he hardly dares breathe.

But now he’s recovered from the bump on his head, Killua’s skittish like a wild thing. Gon’s pretty sure, even if he tries to talk about it, Killua will lie.

He needs... He might only have the next few hours…

“Killua,” he starts, more to break the silence between them than anything, “can you hear that?”

“Yeah.” Killua unfolds in one lithe motion, muscles coiled gracefully, ready to react.

“So, when the bird finds this isn’t the real nectar, it’ll be driven to find the real thing. All we have to do is not let it toss us off before we arrive.”

“You sure about this, Gon? It sounds a bit random.”

A definite thrumming sound approaching, getting louder.

“Yeah…I think one’s here.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so, so much for reading! And, for all the encouragement those of you who've left comments or kudos have given me, with my first ever fanfic. <333
> 
> Hope everything's clear. The pace or style might be a bit erratic in places...still feeling my way. This fic is my first writing after a looong (unwanted) break, and hasn't been beta'd. So, yeah. I'm sure there's lots of room to improve! 
> 
> But--this is my one chance to post this weekend, so here it is... I really hope it's working and enjoyable!
> 
> ***
> 
> EDIT: Thought I better clarify, after a lovely comment below, just in case... Although this is my first _fanfic_ , it's not my first ever story! It's just, I usually write original short stories (for about 3 years), and this is the first time I've borrowed someone else's characters and world - because I _totally FELL IN LOVE_...
> 
> So, I'm learning as I go without my usual writer friends who aren't part of this fandom!


	5. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acern12345 on tumblr has made BEAUTIFUL art for this chapter. I'm just so thrilled! [Please take a look](https://acern12345.tumblr.com/post/169866201506/thank-u-fireolins-fic-kiss-me-better-for-my). The boys look wonderful ~ they're so happy! <3

He only needs to last another few hours without giving in.

But there’s a tightness in Killua’s chest as he crouches next to Gon at the rear of the cave. Gon’s leaning forward using his fingers for balance, all his senses focused, intent on every movement, every sound around them. There’s a wild beauty about him, an intensity beneath his skin, and Killua can’t quite breathe in deeply enough.

A few more hours.

The thrumming pounds his eardrums and a shadow darkens the shelf outside. A beak jags down and collects the first chunk of Gon’s bait. Killua’s stomach knots, because this is it, the beginning of the end. He puffs a breath out between his lips, as if by flattening his lungs he can expel his growing sense of hollowness. The beak slides back up out of sight, then reappears further along, aiming for the next piece.

Before the tip of the beak can graze rock, Killua’s out of the cave and under the bird’s throat where it can’t see. He leaps up into the chasm, catches the farthest leg and wraps his legs around it. The bird dips at his added weight and kicks back, trying to shake him off, but he clings on as blurred wings thunder through the air to his side, over the receding gorge. For an instant, he thinks he’s left Gon behind, then the bird dips again, and Gon’s hauling himself up the other leg.

The pair of them clamber higher until they’re tucked into the bird’s breast amongst its soft orange plumage. Cool wind streams through the feathers, tugging Killua’s hair, vibrating along his body.

The gorge and the forest drop away as they head towards the mountain range. Wings spread in pairs to either side, flaring at the tips. Then he and Gon are skimming between the high walls of the pass, burrowing further up into the bird for warmth. It soars out the other side as if it’s riding off the top of a waterfall, and tablelands spread below, a riot of brilliant greens and golds, patches of crimson and deep lavender, flashing silver where rivers knife through.

Feathers tremble against Killua’s bare arms. They’re a flame-coloured veil between him and Gon, whose lips are curved in a smile, whose dark eyes are wide with exhilaration, and this high above the world, in this dream-like place, Killua’s fears have dropped away, all his resolve left far below. Tiny, insignificant, next to the wonder beside him. Through the feathers, the morning sun is a fiery haze over Gon’s honeyed skin. And he can’t turn away when Gon’s eyes, lustrous with amber, catch his, and when Gon’s fingers brush his, he doesn’t think, he just lets his own fingers tangle into them.

It’s like flame spreading down through his fingers into his heart, and he wants to stay like this forever—feeling there’s no other way, that there’s nothing between them and a whole world waits below, and together they’re stronger than everything, and he doesn’t listen to the thoughts that tell him any differently, not up here—but eventually, the bird descends towards a patch of pale green and gold that’s like an island in a darker emerald sea.

Gon’s grip tightens as he shouts past the thrumming and the wind, “This is where it gets dangerous.”

Killua’s heart pounds at the excitement in Gon’s voice—as if hurtling through the air this high up isn’t dangerous enough.

The bird’s four wings spin in unison for an instant, then pin back against its sides. As it dives, the fall tears a yell from Killua’s throat. His stomach floats. Pale shapes hurtle towards them…trees? Flowers? He clings on tight with his thighs, ready for the deceleration.

The bird flips its body and legs back around with the force of a hurricane, and if he wasn’t so strong he’d be hurled straight through that field of…leaves?… down to…actually, he’s got no idea what’s below that.

The bird slows, hovers, then they drift towards one of several enormous petals—he’s been confused because they’re huge—white shading to yellow as they spiral in to the centre, from which sprouts a fountain of gold. And there are tantalising wafts of a delicate fragrance sweeter than anything Killua has ever encountered or imagined possible…

“Now!” Gon yells, and they let go of the bird and each other, falling onto the shallow slope of a petal and tumbling into a gentle hollow. The plant sways violently and they press themselves into the softly ridged surface to avoid being thrown off, as the bird, aided by its wings, hops towards the central fountain of tall spikes. Gradually, the plant settles until it sways like a raft on an ocean swell. Leaves with edges as sharp as swords poke through the gaps between the petals. Other, similar vast plants move in the breeze around them, knocking the edges of their raft, sending bobbing motions through it. Each motion seems to release more of the scent into the air. It swirls into Killua’s nostrils, similar to the nectar in the cake, but richer and more refined.

“Gon,” Killua whispers, his mouth watering. “You’re evil to bring me here.”

“Just wait till you taste it. Oh…” The corner of Gon’s mouth curls up, and he reaches out, fingertips skimming the tip of Killua’s ear. The touch leaves a burning ghost on Killua’s skin, and he’s breathless as an orange feather drifts away on the breeze. Gon nestles in close beside him. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is beyond messy, and there’s a joyful look in his eyes.

_Fuck_ , Killua thinks, because he’s aching to bury his fingers and mouth in Gon’s hair. It's sensory overload.

The bird is dipping its beak deep into a funnel around the spikes, raising its head to drink the nectar. They can’t move until it goes, or it will defend its feeding ground, so they rest on their stomachs and elbows beside one another. The sun is warm on his back and sweat tickles his neck.

He glances sideways at Gon’s fingers, splayed on the petal. They’re strong and tanned, with scarred knuckles and surprisingly neatly trimmed nails. The memory of them in his hair, on his cheeks—but he _can’t_ think about them touching him again… He stares back down at his own hands, which are bonier and covered with countless older scars, pale fingers flexing into the spongy surface.

The bird flies off, and together they crawl up towards the spikes, Gon explaining their task as they go. Gon’s full of focus and energy, full of anticipation, but sometimes when he’s silent and he glances at Killua, there’s a flicker of something else behind his dark eyes, a longing, a sadness; and the closer to they get to their goal, the more Killua’s chest clenches with a strange mixture of want and loss.

The sweet aroma when they reach the edge of the downturn is so strong, it’s practically soaking through Killua’s skin. Gon shifts to a crouch, looking up at the spikes, then shoots him a bright smile, the sweetest he’s ever seen.

He smiles back, his head reeling—he can’t divide his brain from his senses at all any more—and climbs to his feet and the plant sways and insects hum around them and rattles and croaks come from somewhere far below. It all blends together, and he lets himself sink into it, because it really is wonderful…because he’s still with Gon.

The tips of the spikes reach twice as high as he does, standing.

His yo yo is a battered thing these days, but the metal is an anchor for his senses, comfortingly familiar in his hand. A flick, and it whips around the central spike, then he’s pulling it down. The spike splits into two tendrils at the end, and a clear golden teardrop the size of a cherry dangles from each one where the nectar has seeped out like sap and hardened. He holds it in place while Gon stretches up and breaks the drops off.

Killua lets the spike snap back, and both of them strain to balance as the plant tosses, then they scoot back down the slope into the hollow of the petal. The air’s less intense down here, and Killua takes a deep breath to pull himself together. He drops his pack and sits cross-legged, facing Gon.

“Hey, Killua…” Gon’s voice is soft and there’s something tentative in his tone. His gaze falls to his lap for a moment, and his hand drifts briefly to his lips. Shadows pass across his face as the plant sways and it’s hard to make out his expression, but Killua’s chest tightens again and he shifts closer until their knees bump.

Gon glances up at the contact and his eyes roam Killua’s face.

Killua drops his lashes, hiding behind them, and he licks his bottom lip.

He forces a breath out. “So—is it really the sweetest taste in the world?”

“Mm. According to Menchi…” Gon shakes his head slightly, then he digs into his pack and pulls out a small metal container. Its sides are lined with writing like the box Ging left him ages ago. “Her preservation box.” He releases a small sigh, then sits one of the drops on top and a hole clicks open in the lid and the drop is gone, leaving the lid intact.

That’s weird. “Uh…Gon? That only leaves one…”

“Her fee. She told me how to get here and she’s picking us up in a blimp. She’s not far south. So…when I loaded it just now, the box sent a signal. She’ll be here in a couple of hours. Maybe sooner.”

“Right…

…Not long, then.”

“Not long.” Gon drops the box in his pack.

Then he shoots Killua a warm smile and offers his open palm with the single remaining drop. It’s looking rather sticky, covered in small syrupy beads. “Here. This is for you.”

“Hang on,” Killua pulls back a little. “You’re not having any? But you went to all this trouble to get us here. We should jump to the next plant and get more.”

Gon shrugs, waves his free hand. “That’s the thing. For the flavour, you’ve got to pick them when they’re really fresh. You need the bird to find a new one—there might only be one in a thousand. You know,” with a lop-sided grin, “this is worth over one hundred million jennies.”

Killua nearly chokes. “That…?”

“Yup. But Menchi says the flavour goes a long way. I didn’t think it would bother you.”

“No. What bothers me is, not sharing it with you.” He scowls. “I mean, you arranged all this.” Fluttering a hand at leaves and sky and flowers. “And I’ve done nothing for you this whole time.” _Except_ —frowning at the huge blue mark discolouring Gon’s cheekbone, fighting the urge to smooth it away—no, hands clenching, to kiss it better— _cover you with fucking massive bruises, when I’d much rather—_

Gon lifts his hand close to Killua’s mouth. The fragrance is incredible—Killua drops his head forward and inhales.

“Gods, Gon…that’s divine.” It takes a huge effort and more hand-clenching not to lick the drop from Gon’s palm. “I _can’t_ just take it from you, though. We should just cut it in half.”

“Too late—it’s melting everywhere. Go on…or the whole journey will be a waste.” Gon touches the drop to Killua’s mouth, fingers grazing Killua’s lips.

His nerves catch fire. His heart thuds and his mouth goes wet. He catches Gon’s wrist. Warm brown eyes are gazing into his. He can feel a sticky drip trickle down his chin. Gon’s touch is gentle and hot, and the fragrance—it’s too much…

Sweetness bursts over his tongue like a tidal wave. He can’t think, he’s just sweeping his mouth over and sucking Gon’s fingers, cupping Gon’s hand in both of his, licking the hollow of his palm, every roughness, gathering every trace of sweetness; yet, he doesn’t care about the flavour, even though it’s sublime beyond anything he’s tried—all he wants is to press his mouth into _Gon_ …

And his cheeks heat unbearably and he screws his eyes shut. He can't believe what he's done. As the last of the flavour melts in his mouth, he can only keep hanging onto Gon.

“K-Killua…?” Gon’s hand in his is shaking.

He drags his eyes open to see Gon swallow, wide-eyed, cheeks bright pink.

“Th-that was…pretty thorough,” Gon says unsteadily, staring at Killua’s mouth. “M-must have been…good.”

“I can’t describe it…”

A slight exhale. “So…was it the sweetest?”

The sun is glowing across the angles of Gon’s face, touching his cheekbones, playing across the sweep of his lips. They’re red as pomegranate. The tightness in Killua’s chest is now a full-blown desperate ache.

It’s not a kiss. It won’t be a kiss. He’s already just died of embarrassment. You can only die once. Mostly. What if he died without knowing what it would be like to…ah, _fuck it_.

“Gon. You have to taste me.” Hopes Gon won’t hear the desperation in his tone.

“Taste you…” Gon gaze sharpens on him.

“Yeah. I said. We have to share.” He grabs Gon’s shoulders, maybe a little harder than he means to, and wriggles closer, clumsily pushing their knees together. Gon glances down at his fingers pressing into his shoulder, then back up at him, eyes widening.

“I see…” A slow inhale, then Gon’s easing forward, hand settling at the nape of Killua’s neck. His fingers hesitate in Killua’s hair. A tentative smile. “So…all I’m going to do is taste you…hmm?”

“Yeah.”

Hard to speak past all the butterflies in his stomach.

“Okay,” Gon whispers. “Then, I’ll be really careful not to do more.”

No time to absorb the meaning of that before Gon’s leaning in, thumb sweeping across Killua’s cheek, tilting him just so. Killua’s eyes slip closed, then Gon’s breath is hot on his mouth. Gon’s tongue strokes slowly along his lips.

_Oh gods…_

And then...

Where did he go? Killua blinks his eyes open. His breath catches—the way Gon’s looking at him, eyes dark and soft.

“Killua…you were trembling.”

“You—you hardly tasted anything.”

“Because I’m trying to be careful.”

Gon’s lips twitch, then he grins and rolls his eyes, which Killua ignores, same as he’s ignoring any thought or awareness that might interfere with this.

“Hang on…” Gon flips his boots over past Killua’s thighs, rearranging things so he can scoot in between Killua’s legs. He leans in and cradles Killua’s neck again. “That’s better…”

Yeah, much better, his whole body’s tingling, caught in the heat from Gon’s chest, from his legs, from his hands. Then Gon’s lips arrive on his chin, hot where the drop spilled. Stars burst through him—Killua gasps. Gon pauses, sighs against his mouth…and he’s capturing Killua’s lower lip, drawing it gently between his teeth, tasting along its width. A stifled whimper escapes Killua’s throat.

He’s clutching the back of Gon’s top when they separate, licking where Gon has been, breath ragged. He tells himself, it wasn’t a kiss, it _wasn’t_ …

But he’s hot all over.

He’s been so fucking stupid.

He’s dimly aware everything’s still swaying, that the insects are still humming, the rattles and croaks are still there far below. There’s a tickle as his fringe moves, brushing against Gon’s forehead. He presses his cheek into Gon’s palm as fingers smooth over his skin. Gon’s eyes are filled with such tenderness, he can’t look away.

“Killua…is there something you want?” A low whisper.

He can barely breathe. He’s warm inside, warmer than he ever thought possible. And he—he _loves_ him, and Gon’s all he _ever_ wants. He doesn’t want to fight it anymore, he wants to give Gon a chance show him it’s going to be okay. He tangles his fingers into Gon’s and finds Gon's mouth with his own. His heart is poundng. Gon's lips are sweet and sticky against his, still hesitant, but Killua’s been holding back so long. He’s desperate, and he opens, sliding his tongue urgently past Gon's lips, inviting him in. And then Gon’s moaning into his mouth, licking back into him, collapsing, and Killua’s last remaining brain cells die as his heart goes nova.

He’s floating in thousands of tiny pieces. Sunshine’s pouring into every corner of his being. There’s nowhere for shadows to hide inside him anymore.

And he doesn’t know what universe he’s in or how it happened, but somehow he's wrapped in Gon, lying prone, limbs tangled, lips crushed together.

He’s not even sure he’s still alive.

He presses his forehead into Gon’s.

“Was that better?” Gon pants.

“Better than what?”

“Than that girl.”

“Who…?” Killua can’t help his smile, “Seriously, are you competing?”

“So that’s a yes?”

He grins. "You’re still here, aren’t you?”

Gon’s arms tighten around him. They stay wrapped in each other, catching their breath. The platform beneath them sways. There’s birdsong. Sweetness in his mouth. Gon’s heart beating against his chest. He buries his lips in black hair like raw silk.

There’s nothing he’d change. He’s waited his whole life just to hold Gon like this.

  


***

  


They’ve been waiting for the blimp for a while now.

Gon can’t focus when he lifts his head to check the world’s still there and that this is really happening. It’s a blur of blue and gold and green, sky and sun and leaves, and it’s never seemed so bright; but then fingers twist into his hair again, demanding he look back down. And he’s gazing into sparkling dark-lashed eyes, wondrous with all the blues of the deepest ocean, and countless blues he never knew existed until now. Strands of silver hair float across them in the breeze, and lashes flicker. Pink lips, their edges blurred from kissing _him_ , whisper his name. “ _Gon…_ ”

He’s got no words. His heart is flooding with warmth.

Through the thin fabric crushed between their chests, he can feel Killua’s heart beating as rapidly as his own. Fingers are exploring gently beneath his top, making trails of fire along his shoulder blades. The way Killua’s touching him makes him melt inside; even when pressure on the bruise on his back makes him wince, he doesn’t want him to stop. Fine dark brows narrow at his flinch, a hand shifts, and that bewitching blue gaze drifts to his bicep, followed by slender fingers drawing along the curve. Killua leans up and crushes his mouth in place of his hand, the catch of teeth making Gon gasp in surprise, sending a shudder through his shoulder and down his spine.

He curls his fingers into the soft cloud of Killua’s hair. There’s heat pooling low in his stomach and the urge to get closer feels like it’s surrounding him, pressing against his skin, and he’s pulling Killua in tight, can feel shifting against his thigh, Killua hard through the frustrating fabric of their shorts. _Oh..._

And yet a thread of fear still curls through his mind; Killua still hasn’t said anything; there’s the chance he might leave again as soon as they get back.

“Killua,” he whispers into the soft mop of hair, “do you know why I brought you here?”

Killua lifts his head, blue gaze pulling Gon straight in again. “Only…what you told me. But it feels like…” and he leans back, eyes narrowing at the sky, “you…took me on a date. I mean—you arranged it, you paid for everything. And then, you _insisted_ on giving me that…thing…” His cheeks colour.

“I just—wanted to take you someplace wonderful. Somewhere you couldn’t leave early.”

A raised eyebrow.

“Oh, okay…maybe…it was a date. So, was it good?”

A lazy smirk. “Hmm. Maybe.”

“ _Maybe?_ ”

Killua waves a hand. “Well…it was my _first_ date. I’ve got nothing to compare it with.”

He inspects Gon’s face. Slides the tips of his index and middle fingers along Gon’s cheekbone. Presses lightly.

“Oww! What’s that for?”

“You should see your face.”

“Eh, you haven’t seen your forehead.”

Killua’s thumb presses a little more heavily into the stinging area. “Unlike me, you’re _covered_ in bruises. I’ve been thinking, we need to do something about your Nen.” He grins and drops his fingers onto the painful place on Gon’s shoulder.

“Hey!”

“Yeah—it’s gonna take me _months_ of daily training to sort you.”

Heart fluttering. “Oh…r-really?”

“Yeah. I thought we’d start when we get back to Alluka—”

Heart leaping over the sun--

“—but first, I’ve got a spare week. Which means,” Killua’s pushing himself up on his elbow, a lopsided grin, “ _I’m_ taking _you_ on our next date. Oh, and, yeah, it’ll take the whole week.” A hopeful darting glance. “U-unless you’ve got other plans…?”

Gon swallows. “My only plan is you.”

Killua’s staring back into his eyes as if he’ll never look away.

Gon catches his shoulder for balance. “My Nen’s only terrible when I’m around you.”

“Is-is that right?”

“Yeah. The rest of the time, it’s almost perfect.”

“I see…” hand reaching for Gon’s hip, “then I’m pretty distracting for you, huh?”

“Mm, and I love seeing you blush like this. You look really pretty.”

“Gon…I’m not pretty.”

Killua’s furrowed brows look incredibly cute. His eyes are soft and his smile is sweet, and Gon's reaching for him again, because he still can’t find the words, though he’s spent months wandering Whale Island, months thinking about Killua and nothing else. He’s not pretty, he’s beautiful. And as Gon's kissing him again, he’s storm clouds and lightning and something deeper that’s making his head reel, and the only word he needs is _…Killua_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, especially those of you who've followed this on the way. Once again, thank you all _so much_ for the encouraging comments and kudos; they mean a lot, and they really help motivate me to keep writing and learning. I really hope you enjoyed it!


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